28.9.09

Go Rest High on that Mountain


Autumn. With every leaf that dances from its branch to the ground below, I see God waving to me. If spring signals new birth, does that make fall a season of impending death? Why then would I look forward to all it has to offer: autumnal hues filling the horizon, cooler days, crisp nights, warm fires, simmering stews and pumpkin spice candles filling the room with pleasant aroma. No hints of doom. And here I sit waiting for the phone to ring with news of my mother in law's drawing nearer death. I've always wondered how God's goodness causes an unspoken request for a child to wish his or her parent absent from this world. At times, the thought seems  severe and inconceivable but right now it only seems gracious. And necessary.  Not my choice, as my brother would remind me, but life is over for her though her body waits in rest before the doctors can call time. Absent from the body and present with the Lord. I've heard it and I've read it. So tonight I read it some more. I know the Lord waits for us to be in His presence and for an eternity. After attending many funerals, I assuredly realize that the body is void of any life.   Often it's void of any semblance of ever living because the missing spirit leaves such a deep emptiness behind. However, I am not too convinced that though no death decree has been made, our loved ones haven't been ushered into heaven already.  Heart still beating, yet filled will the joy of angels singing. For us the symphony falls only on deaf ears as we anticipate our loved one's passing.  This earthly life is sure to break our hearts,  but our journey ends (and begins) in the Promised Land...all hurting then abandoned.

 Go rest high on that mountain, Ma-we'll see you there.

John 13:36
Simon Peter said to Him, 
"Lord, where are You going?" 
Jesus answered,
 "Where I go, you cannot follow Me now; but you will follow later."
 12/31/1915-9/29/2009

Go Rest High on that Mountain


Autumn. With every leaf that dances from its branch to the ground below, I see God waving to me. If spring signals new birth, does that make fall a season of impending death? Why then would I look forward to all it has to offer: autumnal hues filling the horizon, cooler days, crisp nights, warm fires, simmering stews and pumpkin spice candles filling the room with pleasant aroma. No hints of doom. And here I sit waiting for the phone to ring with news of my mother in law's drawing nearer death. I've always wondered how God's goodness causes an unspoken request for a child to wish his or her parent absent from this world. At times, the thought seems  severe and inconceivable but right now it only seems gracious. And necessary.  Not my choice, as my brother would remind me, but life is over for her though her body waits in rest before the doctors can call time. Absent from the body and present with the Lord. I've heard it and I've read it. So tonight I read it some more. I know the Lord waits for us to be in His presence and for an eternity. After attending many funerals, I assuredly realize that the body is void of any life.   Often it's void of any semblance of ever living because the missing spirit leaves such a deep emptiness behind. However, I am not too convinced that though no death decree has been made, our loved ones haven't been ushered into heaven already.  Heart still beating, yet filled will the joy of angels singing. For us the symphony falls only on deaf ears as we anticipate our loved one's passing.  This earthly life is sure to break our hearts,  but our journey ends (and begins) in the Promised Land...all hurting then abandoned.

 Go rest high on that mountain, Ma-we'll see you there.

John 13:36
Simon Peter said to Him, 
"Lord, where are You going?" 
Jesus answered,
 "Where I go, you cannot follow Me now; but you will follow later."
 12/31/1915-9/29/2009

26.9.09

Weekly Schedule that didn't make my planner

 * Insomnia persists *wondering how many more straws before this camel's back breaks* Finally- our getaway is planned*Mom's still sick*Sister-in-law's sister died suddenly*School starts*Wood bat league schedule begins*Mother in law's dementia unveils in a big way* Baby begins kindergarten*Husband is traveling*Brothers are hurting*Mary put in hospital and on hospice*Friend's Sweet little girl diagnosed with diabetes*Mom's still sick*Getaway is cancelled*Meetings never-ending at hospital*Boys home alone all week*7 days of laundry undone*Library books late $13 fine*  


Exodus 14:14 
 **The LORD shall fight for you, 
and you shall hold your peace.**

Weekly Schedule that didn't make my planner

 * Insomnia persists *wondering how many more straws before this camel's back breaks* Finally- our getaway is planned*Mom's still sick*Sister-in-law's sister died suddenly*School starts*Wood bat league schedule begins*Mother in law's dementia unveils in a big way* Baby begins kindergarten*Husband is traveling*Brothers are hurting*Mary put in hospital and on hospice*Friend's Sweet little girl diagnosed with diabetes*Mom's still sick*Getaway is cancelled*Meetings never-ending at hospital*Boys home alone all week*7 days of laundry undone*Library books late $13 fine*  


Exodus 14:14 
 **The LORD shall fight for you, 
and you shall hold your peace.**

18.9.09

Though I walk through the valley...

Overwhelmed. 
This week has been spent walking through the shadow of the valley.
 I will fear no evil.
 Uncertainty brushes with hypothesis and confounding thoughts with every step.
 My Father walks with me; His presence is comforting. 
My path grows increasingly dark.  
The Lord graciously guides me along, His light glowing ever brighter. 
Wishing to turn back, I trod forward.
  I know that His goodness will follow me and His love is sure.
 Staying by the Lord's side as I wade through this muck, I realize it's all going to be ok. 
I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.
 Amen.




We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice,for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you.Ps 33:20-22

Though I walk through the valley...

Overwhelmed. 
This week has been spent walking through the shadow of the valley.
 I will fear no evil.
 Uncertainty brushes with hypothesis and confounding thoughts with every step.
 My Father walks with me; His presence is comforting. 
My path grows increasingly dark.  
The Lord graciously guides me along, His light glowing ever brighter. 
Wishing to turn back, I trod forward.
  I know that His goodness will follow me and His love is sure.
 Staying by the Lord's side as I wade through this muck, I realize it's all going to be ok. 
I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.
 Amen.




We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice,for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you.Ps 33:20-22

16.9.09

Hallucinations, Hospitals, Hospice and Headaches, oh my!

Thanking the Lord for His faithfulness as we embark and some tough seas.
I'll be back to blog about it soon.

Hallucinations, Hospitals, Hospice and Headaches, oh my!

Thanking the Lord for His faithfulness as we embark and some tough seas.
I'll be back to blog about it soon.

12.9.09

What is a group of ducks called?

Like a kid in a candy store, I kissed my guys goodnight and headed out for a much anticipated girls' night at a friend's. I turned the key, clicked my seat belt, pulled the gear shift to R, opened the window above to bask in the moonlight and began my drive down the road that seemed to lead everywhere.  I could drive this familiar road blindfolded, winding with its ease as I go.  The cool autumn air settled in from the moon roof as my freshly brushed hair waved to the sky. This would be a good night.
Realizing the backseat was vacant, aka-silent,  I clicked on the radio. Looking ahead, I was perplexed to see headlights stalled in formation and at a standstill coming up on my left. No sirens, no flashing red or blue lights. Yet, something about the dusk's glow caused me caution as my foot pressed ever so gently and my car slowed down to a crawl.  I peered out my window to see the roadblock. DUCKS. Right there in the middle of take-me-anywhere -thoroughfare a badelynge of ducks clogged traffic waiting for them to waddle across several lanes. They have wings, don't they know? Continuing my drive forward, I chuckled aloud as I thought to myself, "What is the value of a duck?" My shoulders shrugged, but I did think that the armadillo, raccoon and squirrel wouldn't have fared so well as a roadblock. What do I value? Of course, I stopped for those ducks-and I'd like to think I'd do my best to sacrifice a hawk's next meal and stop for the raccoon, too. But I had to really think about what my life manifests as   worthy to me. I'll stop in the middle of a road for a few ducks; what else do I show I value?

What is a group of ducks called?

Like a kid in a candy store, I kissed my guys goodnight and headed out for a much anticipated girls' night at a friend's. I turned the key, clicked my seat belt, pulled the gear shift to R, opened the window above to bask in the moonlight and began my drive down the road that seemed to lead everywhere.  I could drive this familiar road blindfolded, winding with its ease as I go.  The cool autumn air settled in from the moon roof as my freshly brushed hair waved to the sky. This would be a good night.
Realizing the backseat was vacant, aka-silent,  I clicked on the radio. Looking ahead, I was perplexed to see headlights stalled in formation and at a standstill coming up on my left. No sirens, no flashing red or blue lights. Yet, something about the dusk's glow caused me caution as my foot pressed ever so gently and my car slowed down to a crawl.  I peered out my window to see the roadblock. DUCKS. Right there in the middle of take-me-anywhere -thoroughfare a badelynge of ducks clogged traffic waiting for them to waddle across several lanes. They have wings, don't they know? Continuing my drive forward, I chuckled aloud as I thought to myself, "What is the value of a duck?" My shoulders shrugged, but I did think that the armadillo, raccoon and squirrel wouldn't have fared so well as a roadblock. What do I value? Of course, I stopped for those ducks-and I'd like to think I'd do my best to sacrifice a hawk's next meal and stop for the raccoon, too. But I had to really think about what my life manifests as   worthy to me. I'll stop in the middle of a road for a few ducks; what else do I show I value?

~Worth repeating~



                          
  • "Mom, last night I slept with my eyes closed." N-2009 
  • A person's a person, no matter how small. ~Dr. Seuss 
  • Children are likely to live up to what you believe in them.                              ~Ladybird Johnson 
  • Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds. ~Albert Einstein 
  • How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. Psalm 139:17-18 
  • I dunno...she fills gaps. (What's gaps?) I dunno, she's got gaps, I got gaps; together we fill gaps. ~Rocky <3

~Worth repeating~



                          
  • "Mom, last night I slept with my eyes closed." N-2009 
  • A person's a person, no matter how small. ~Dr. Seuss 
  • Children are likely to live up to what you believe in them.                              ~Ladybird Johnson 
  • Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds. ~Albert Einstein 
  • How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. Psalm 139:17-18 
  • I dunno...she fills gaps. (What's gaps?) I dunno, she's got gaps, I got gaps; together we fill gaps. ~Rocky <3

10.9.09

Sleepless musings and a full moon


King Size. Full moon, half moon, new moon...I see the moon's phases almost nightly as my youngest taps my arm somewhere between moon rise to moon set. (is that even correct?)
"Can I sleep in here for a few minutes?"
Silently and automatically, I stretch my arm out a bit and he grabs on and climbs up. Seconds later my brown-eyed, freckled-face, curly-topped son is sounding off his sleep signal with one of his audible contented sighs.
I wish I could get my husband to realize the warm body he's holding is no longer mine and move to  his side of the bed . Slated deep into his own dreams he's oblivious to our visitor's ordinary presence. Now, Daddy and son take up my half of the bed while I stare at the moon's light while clenching the sheets hoping I don't capsize.
So is the most coveted luxury for a mother, sleep? Since motherhood began for me almost 16 years ago, I can't remember, however, if I were a betting woman...
This morning that adorable little boy came bouncing down the steps, "Mom, I sure got a great lot of sleep in there last night."
I smiled. Chances are it wasn't my hot cup of coffee that warmed my heart this early morning. Yawn. ;)

Sleepless musings and a full moon


King Size. Full moon, half moon, new moon...I see the moon's phases almost nightly as my youngest taps my arm somewhere between moon rise to moon set. (is that even correct?)
"Can I sleep in here for a few minutes?"
Silently and automatically, I stretch my arm out a bit and he grabs on and climbs up. Seconds later my brown-eyed, freckled-face, curly-topped son is sounding off his sleep signal with one of his audible contented sighs.
I wish I could get my husband to realize the warm body he's holding is no longer mine and move to  his side of the bed . Slated deep into his own dreams he's oblivious to our visitor's ordinary presence. Now, Daddy and son take up my half of the bed while I stare at the moon's light while clenching the sheets hoping I don't capsize.
So is the most coveted luxury for a mother, sleep? Since motherhood began for me almost 16 years ago, I can't remember, however, if I were a betting woman...
This morning that adorable little boy came bouncing down the steps, "Mom, I sure got a great lot of sleep in there last night."
I smiled. Chances are it wasn't my hot cup of coffee that warmed my heart this early morning. Yawn. ;)

8.9.09

Coffee? Meet ya there



I left, my cup nearly empty from a second refill of diet soda. With my thirst quenched and my stomach in knots, I started the car. Pinching myself wouldn't work. In my daze and continued disbelief I drove toward home. This was my friend. A wonderful Christian woman who, like me, has been busy with raising her sons and being a wife for the past 20 plus years. SHE made my wedding cake! How did her life get to this point?
Distracted by the fluttering of a hungry bird on the patio, I  listened to some updates to her story as the morning sun tried to warm me. An icy sip of soda took a slow route through the straw trying to wash that lump down my throat as Dee continued. How does she go on? How does she go home? ...A woman's heart is in her home and I hear echoes only of heartache from hers. Like so many of us today, this woman I've grown to love more with each prayer offered on her behalf, sits across from me, her fourth finger now barren. Its  absence screams the demise of her marriage. Not long ago she told me of their separation over breakfast. That day my unsuspecting bottom jaw  plunged into my coffee cup as my heart raced to my feet. NO WAY this had happened to her. To her family.
My day began with plans  starting at the top of a 759 item to-do list, yet when Dee asked what my day looked like, the paper cleared with the exception of meeting with her. I'm glad I did.
There are many blessing in the middle of this raging battle she's fighting. And like most battles, the casualties lie bloodied all around and their effects are numerous and overwhelming.
All at once I began to both thank the Lord for my blessings (I am so richly blessed) as well as cry tears out to Jesus once again for my girlfriend.
Dee, now that I have this new opportunity to be obedient to our heavenly Father, just know that I count it an honor both to Him and to you to help carry your burden. He will remain faithful:  a promise keeper. 
In life, in coffee breaks, in heart to heart talks, in tears, in laughter, in hurt, in prayer, I'm with you my dear friend.
Matthew 12: 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

Coffee? Meet ya there



I left, my cup nearly empty from a second refill of diet soda. With my thirst quenched and my stomach in knots, I started the car. Pinching myself wouldn't work. In my daze and continued disbelief I drove toward home. This was my friend. A wonderful Christian woman who, like me, has been busy with raising her sons and being a wife for the past 20 plus years. SHE made my wedding cake! How did her life get to this point?
Distracted by the fluttering of a hungry bird on the patio, I  listened to some updates to her story as the morning sun tried to warm me. An icy sip of soda took a slow route through the straw trying to wash that lump down my throat as Dee continued. How does she go on? How does she go home? ...A woman's heart is in her home and I hear echoes only of heartache from hers. Like so many of us today, this woman I've grown to love more with each prayer offered on her behalf, sits across from me, her fourth finger now barren. Its  absence screams the demise of her marriage. Not long ago she told me of their separation over breakfast. That day my unsuspecting bottom jaw  plunged into my coffee cup as my heart raced to my feet. NO WAY this had happened to her. To her family.
My day began with plans  starting at the top of a 759 item to-do list, yet when Dee asked what my day looked like, the paper cleared with the exception of meeting with her. I'm glad I did.
There are many blessing in the middle of this raging battle she's fighting. And like most battles, the casualties lie bloodied all around and their effects are numerous and overwhelming.
All at once I began to both thank the Lord for my blessings (I am so richly blessed) as well as cry tears out to Jesus once again for my girlfriend.
Dee, now that I have this new opportunity to be obedient to our heavenly Father, just know that I count it an honor both to Him and to you to help carry your burden. He will remain faithful:  a promise keeper. 
In life, in coffee breaks, in heart to heart talks, in tears, in laughter, in hurt, in prayer, I'm with you my dear friend.
Matthew 12: 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

Translucent Tuesdays: Polar Opposites.

Translucent Tuesdays: Polar Opposites.

6.9.09